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Our Temple B'nai Or Family is a welcoming community for intermarried couples and their families. These couples and families often have similar concerns and questions. We have tried to address the most common questions here. |
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1. May a non-Jewish spouse be a member of Temple B'nai Or?
2. Are our children Jewish?
3. How might a non-Jewish spouse be involved in the ritual life of the Temple, especially at their children's life-cycle events?
4. Why are dues higher than those of a church?
5. What do you teach congregants about intermarriage? (Read a sermon on "Intermarriage" that is archived in Rabbi Rossoff's Study.) |
May a non-Jewish spouse be a member of Temple B'nai Or?
Yes. Our Constitution states: "Any person of the Jewish faith and/or any person subscribing to the purpose of this organization may be elected to membership..." And what is the purpose of our Temple? It is "to worship God in accordance with the faith of Judaism; to cultivate a love and understanding of the Jewish heritage; and to stimulate togetherness in the Jewish community." If you are not associated with another house of worship, we invite you to become a member of Temple B'nai Or as an extension of your Jewish family.
Our Temple is governed by an elected Board of Trustees working through a number of committees. Membership on the Board of Trustees and Chairmanships of committees are reserved for those who are Jewish. Non-Jews may serve on any committee except for the Worship and Shabbat Committees.
Know also that you are encouraged to participate in the programs of the Temple. You may be especially interested in Adult Jewish Education and the discussions of the Outreach Committee, which deal with issues of interest to the intermarried. You are also welcome to be part of our Temple affiliates: Sisterhood, Men's Club and the Renaissance Group.
Are our children Jewish?
In our movement, Reform Judaism, whether or not your children are considered Jewish depends on you. In Orthodox and Conservative Judaism, the child of a Jewish mother is automatically considered Jewish. The child of a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother is not considered Jewish and must undergo a formal conversion to be recognized as Jewish. On the other hand, we Reform Jews hold that the children of one Jewish parent (mother or father) are presumed to be Jewish. Their Jewish personal status is established by giving them a positive and exclusive Jewish upbringing. This upbringing includes life-cycle events such as a brit/child naming, and giving the child a formal Jewish education leading to Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Confirmation. In this regard, Reform Judaism does not consider as Jewish those children who are being educated or "exposed" to two religions, regardless of which parent is Jewish. If and when those individuals make an informed choice to be Jewish and accept Judaism as their one religion, they are affirmed as Jewish.
A special note to non-Jewish parents: We appreciate so very much the efforts that you make in raising your children as Jews. As much as you may see this as something you and your spouse have chosen for your family, we know that the choice to raise your children as Jews often represents a real sense of loss on your part. We thank you for what you are doing for the Jewish People.
How might a non-Jewish spouse be involved in the ritual life of the Temple, especially at their children's life-cycle events?
It is very important to us at Temple B'nai Or that non-Jewish parents be supportive participants in the life-cycle events of their children.
Baby Naming: When your child is named at Temple and entered into the Covenant Community of Israel, both parents are on the Bimah (pulpit) for the naming. There is a prayer in English both parents can recite, expressing gratitude for the new life and the intention to link this child with the Jewish people. Either parent has the option to say something about the names that have been chosen. The child is brought into the Covenant Community through two Hebrew prayers. The first is a prayer over the wine which may be said by both parents. The second reads: "Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who has made us holy through the commandments and has commanded us to enter our child into the covenant of the Jewish People." Since the Jewish parent is the one actually "commanded" in this sense, s/he says this prayer.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah: When a child celebrates becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the participation of both parents is especially important. It is crucial that youngsters see BOTH parents as standing totally behind the decision to raise them as Jews in order to reinforce unambiguous Jewish identities. There are certain parts in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony in which non-Jewish parents are encouraged to participate. There are other parts which are given to you as options, while there are those prayers and rituals which would only be appropriate for the Jewish parent. Non-Jewish parents are encouraged to be on the Bimah for the following:
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Shabbat Evening:
At the Friday night service during the Bar/Bat Mitzvah weekend, the parents take part in the blessings over the Shabbat candles and the wine. Non-Jewish parents may, if they wish, particpate in these ceremonies. Since each family situation is different, the Rabbi and Cantor will work with the parents to find the most appropriate and comfortable way to participate.
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Shabbat Morning:
The presentation of the Tallit: Both parents may present the tallit (prayer shawl). (The wearing of a Tallit is optional.)
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The passing of the Torah: During the ceremony, the Torah is passed from the parents to the child, signifying the passing on of the Jewish heritage through the generations. A parent addresses the child at this time about what this moment means to the parents. While it is the Jewish parent who physically passes the Torah, the non-Jewish parent may give the address.
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The Aliyah When it is time for the parents' aliyah (saying the blessings over the Torah reading), the non-Jewish parent may be called up to accompany the Jewish parent who recites the blessing. Parents then remain at the pulpit, standing behind their child when s/he recites these blessings and chants the maftir, the last section of the Torah. Others who are not Jewish do not come up to the pulpit when a spouse is reciting these blessings. Non-Jewish relatives can be given the honor of dressing the Torah.
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Why are the blessings over the Torah reading done only by those of the Jewish religion? This blessing is an essential statement of the Jewish faith, praising God "who has chosen us from all peoples by giving us the Torah.... thereby implanting within us eternal life." The Torah is the Jewish means of salvation. A non-Jew saying the Torah blessings would not be unlike a Jewish person taking the Eucharist without believing in Jesus as the Christ.
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The Blessing of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah: During the Rabbi's address and the blessing of the child by the Rabbi and Cantor in front of the Ark, both parents stand in back of him/her.
Why are Temple dues higher than churches'? Judaism and Christianity share much in common, and yet there are many religious, cultural and conceptual differences. One difference which is often experienced is in the realm of Temple dues. Many Christian denominations rely upon on voluntary offerings which the individual is moved to give. Jewish life is founded upon the Scripture's emphasis on the individual's obligations towards the community. Should you have any questions or concerns about any of these matters, the Rabbi, Executive Director and and President are more than happy to meet with you.
One Final Note: Judaism in general and Reform Judaism in particular welcome with open arms those who wish to explore Judaism with the possibility of becoming "Jews by Choice." Our tradition tells us that one who converts to Judaism is held in higher esteem than the High Priest of ancient days. Please feel free to speak with Rabbi Rossoff if you would like to explore this for yourself. |
